I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
