i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
