i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
