Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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