would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I love you. Go after that dick
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
