K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize