Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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