so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
