Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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