this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
