if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize