Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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