I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
