Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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