Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
whose parrot is this?
Of course I have a pirate flag
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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