I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
