i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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