When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
