She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
