rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
