Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
