Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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