He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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