Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
