Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
