Will you blow on my dice?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
