Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
