Just fell off a train. Bad.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
