You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
