well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i dont even know how to be here
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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