Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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