i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
