my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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