someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
