Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
