So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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