as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
