I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
