Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
