You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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