Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
