I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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