i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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