Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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