Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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