He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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