I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
