My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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