so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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