Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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