I didn't shave. On purpose
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize