i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
