I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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