Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
