Define "chronic" masturbator.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
