dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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