It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
