I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
