the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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