why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
