Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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