Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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