i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
