Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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