it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
