I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My first STD was from a foam party
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
