Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
