Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
